What comes to your mind when you hear the term “self-care?”

I don’t know about you, but the first thing that pops into mine is an image of a woman in a bath full of bubbles up to her neck, candles precariously balanced around the side, a glass of red wine in her hand.

It is accompanied by slogans trying to sell me a Spa weekend, such as “spoil yourself” and “you deserve a break” - and a lot of internal resistance.

“You can’t take a break,” my Inner Critic reminds me, “You haven’t saved the world yet. Look at it - there’s still so much work to do. How can you just sit around reading a magazine and enjoying yourself? Besides - the things that give you pleasure are bad for the environment.”

Sound familiar?

I’m willing to bet that people who dedicate their lives to helping others - nurses, teachers, volunteers, activists - are more likely to feel that strong pang of guilt when they take time out of their schedules and indulge in self care.

But taking care of our own needs is not only essential if we want to be of service to the world - it can be one of the most radical things you can do.

So what IS self-care, and why is it so important?

Type “self care” into an image search and you’ll see a catalogue of hedonistic pleasures (all of which, incidentally, require you to spend money on something).

While a glass of wine and a bubble bath can feel relaxing, they can ultimately act as band-aids for our stress - not getting to the real root of the issues.

Self-care, on a deeper level, means taking care of our own physical and emotional needs, eating properly, sleeping well, setting clear boundaries and respecting our own time, saying no to things that drain us, and maintaining our distance from people who hurt us. Of course, this can all be easier said than done.

If we go even deeper, self-care is about creating a life for ourselves and our loved ones that allows us to be as independent, free, nourished and as happy as possible.

Of course, it’s not fair to put all the pressure on the individual to create their own happiness within a brutal and unequal system.

We should not need to spend hours and most of our spare income soothing the wounds that are inflicted upon us by the demands of the Infinite Growth society, making ourselves feel better after we have read the latest news story, been bullied by our boss, or checked the latest figures on climate collapse.

In an ideal world, we would live within an infrastructure that provided the things we truly need in order to flourish - safety nets such as social support and health care, clean air, safety, community.

But we’re not going to get to that world if everyone is so exhausted and burnt out from trying to stay above water, keeping a roof above their heads, or fighting the system, that they give up, shrug their shoulders and say “ah well, life sucks, what can you do?”.

But isn’t self-care a huge privilege?

Self-care can seem like a massive act of privilege - especially when accompanied by all the glamorous #selfcare images on Instagram.

This may be because the self-care movement, which started off as the revolutionary idea that people (mostly women) could take time out of their roles as full-time mothers, carers, and emotional labourers to put their own needs first for a change - has now been taken over by the #selfcare hashtag on Instagram. Check out this kick-ass article by Meg at That Hummingbird Life, who argues that the self-care movement has been co-opted by Capitalism, which:

“Makes you feel shit about yourself because self-care looks like something that has to be beautiful and impressive. It seems to be something exclusively for white, middle-class, skinny, yoga-doing, green-smoothie-drinking and law-of-attraction believing women. And I don’t know about you, but I do not see myself reflected in that. It makes me feel fat, worse about my love affair with dry hair shampoo and makes me feel like I seriously do not have my shit together.” - check out the article The Problem With Self-Care

Painting self-care as the exclusive domain of the privileged few creates more division, and has the added bonus of making people feel even more guilty for taking time out - we start to think “I have a free day for the first time in ages. But what about all those poor people who don’t have this opportunity? Hmm… I should do some work, instead.”

Self-care does not have to mean that you have to be able to afford a weekend spa, or to take off massive chunks of holiday time.

It can just mean being kind to yourself. Forgiving yourself for not being perfect. Being gentle with yourself when tears, rage, grief or frustration comes up, and remembering that you are a human being trying to do their best in the world. And treating yourself like you would treat somebody that you love.

Why is Self-Care so Important… and Radical?

Compassion fatigue is a real phenomena, mostly among health-care professionals, and burn-out is a huge topic within activism that is rarely addressed.

In order to make the changes we want to make in the world, we’re going to have to look out for ourselves and each other.

Just like your phone, you need to recharge. We need to breathe out, as well as in. Unfortunately, trying to keep everything balanced in the current system we live in can often feel like such a precarious balancing act that the thought of resting seems impossible.

Givers usually feel that taking time for self-care is selfish… while our politicians seem to feel no shame at all in going on a golfing holiday while their country is collapsing under the pressures of the coronavirus.

But if self-care selfish? The more you recognise the interconnectedness of all life, the more you realise that there is no way that you can nurture yourself to be happier, more energised and healthy, without it having positive effects on your loved ones and the world around you.

But you know the problem?

The more we care for, and love, ourselves - the less we will feel the need to buy into the idea that we are not beautiful, successful, popular and glamorous enough. The more burnt out we are, from giving ourselves to a system that doesn’t care about us in return, the more we will rely on quick-fixes such as bottles of wine and spa weekends to try restoring ourselves.

A society of people who are self-sufficient - emotionally and materialistically - is a huge threat to our current political systems.

“Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.” - Audre Lorde

So it makes sense that we are worked to the bone in order to afford a few tiny luxuries, and told that alcohol, chocolate and baths are the only way to make ourselves feel good.

It makes sense that we are told that more consumption and capitalism is the remedy to consumption and capitalism, rather than the things that are really associated with health and happiness - deep community relationships, healthy food, clean air, clean water, free time, spiritual and emotional freedom, and connection to nature.

But it doesn’t have to be that way. Let’s reclaim what it means to care for ourselves -and each other.

You can start with a very simple step - gratitude.

What do you appreciate about yourself?

Here, you can check out Joanna Macy (founder of the Work That Reconnects) explaining why gratitude is a revolutionary act (5 minute video).

Starting from June 4th, I’m running 6 sessions of the Work That Reconnects and how we can practice Radical Self-Care in order to heal ourselves and our relationship with nature. There will be 6 workshops from 7-9pm CET on Thursday evenings, where we explore the power of connecting to our emotions, giving ourselves space to grieve, practicing radical gratitude, and shifting our perspective.

The course is offered on a sliding scale of 30-90 Euros - find out more and reserve your spot here.