How “The Power of Now” Changed My Life
Yes, that little blue book that Oprah was touting a few years ago was a game-changer for me - and seems to have a similar effect on everyone I lend my worn-out copy to. So what is that little book, and what’s so great about it?
Well, let me tell you what’s going on right now for me. I’m looking at my laptop, typing this into a document, and my laptop is making some pretty loud sounds. Next to me, I can see a dirty plate, a notebook, a jug of water, a charger, a jar with a candle in it. I am warm, I feel moderate discomfort in my stomach and back, and… that’s all.
What my brain wanted to say, instead, was: My laptop is making very concerning noises – I think it’s going to overheat. My desk is a total mess – I’ve become such a slob these last few days! And I keep thinking about what might happen to us during this pandemic… will we be able to avoid catching the virus? Will the economy tank? Will we survive?
In The Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle explores the way that we spend the majority of our time (mentally) in the past or the future - very rarely on the actual present moment.
Sure, it’s not a new, original idea - he is basically repackaging Buddhist mindfulness and meditation to a different audience, which is perhaps what 90% of self-help authors do anyway - why reinvent the wheel? But the format of the book, written in Socratic dialogue (e.g. a conversation between a student and teacher), often asks and answers your questions just as you’re starting to form them.
Things like “well, if I never think about the future, how will I plan things? Won’t I just become a bum lounging around on my parents’ sofa?” - or something along those lines.
Of course, this is not the aim of helping people to live in the present. The idea is that we should only think about the past or the future when it is useful for us. When you start to really keep score of how much time you’re spending worrying about something you said or something that might go wrong, you start to realise that your visits to the past or future are not necessarily serving you.
Sweating on a Bus
Let me tell you what might seem like a silly, or trivial, story – but for me, it was huge. I used to HATE heat. Anything above 20C would have me hiding in the shadows. The feeling of sweat on my skin, the feeling of my scalp burning in the sun, that feeling of stickiness… ugh. It was the worst.
And yet, I decided to travel around Thailand – a country where the temperature was never below 30. At first, the heat really started to bother me… but, one day, on a bus with no air conditioning, I decided to bring The Power of Now into being. I realised that I was subconsciously comparing the current heat to how I wished things were – that is, cool and breezy, and no pools of sweat forming all over my body. This comparison was making me feel frustrated, and anxious – and the fact I could do nothing to change the temperature was really ruining my mood.
So instead, I decided to just focus on the heat – really focus on how it felt. And to accept that there was nothing I could do about it. I even tried to imagine that the feeling of heat pressing in around me was the air hugging me. And, somehow… it completely changed everything. Instead of feeling anxious and annoyed, I started to even enjoy the heat. My mood lightened. But that wasn’t all – even to this today, I’m better able to handle hot weather than most of my British friends (although my skin isn’t – I still have to lather on the Factor 50!).
What did I do differently? Well, instead of thinking about a type of future - e.g. a better future in which I was cooled by the sweet kiss of the air conditioner, and then feeling resentment and discomfort because that future wasn’t true right now - I accepted the present moment as it was, warts and all. I stopped comparing what was to what I felt should be, and that made the present moment far more bearable - because I wasn’t angry with it for not meeting my expectations and hopes.
Does that resonate for you? It might work for small things, like discomfort, but it could also be manifesting itself in other ways. If you find yourself feeling anger or resentment towards people for not matching up to how they should be, perhaps, or towards yourself because you feel that you “should” look or be different, then it may be time to try a little “present-moment” exercise.
But…
Yes, of course, we need to be careful not to use mindfulness or the power of Now to encourage people to put up with unacceptable situations. If your house is actually on fire, don’t just sit still and focus on the feeling of the flames burning your skin - you get the f*** out and call the fire brigade. If your gut feeling is telling you to escape from a situation in your life that is making you unhappy or is unsafe, then tune into that intuition and listen to what it is telling you.
But there are situations that we can’t escape, sometimes, and if you have a tool available to help you deal with those situations with minimal suffering, then wouldn’t you want to use that tool?
This book didn’t just help me deal with sweaty days abroad, though. It changed a LOT more for me.
When I was rejected for a job, instead of spiralling into self-doubt and feelings of rejection, I was able to shift my awareness to focus on the way that the rays of sunlight were falling onto the fabric of the seat in front of me and the beautiful way that it shone through the trees. After doing this for a while, I was somehow far more able to accept what had happened.
When I find myself sliding into general dissatisfaction with life - perhaps comparing myself to others, feeling dissatisfied with my success or finances or apartment or anything like that - I come back to simply noticing what is here right now. The thing is, when you start to REALLY pay attention to things around you, you start to notice details and little things that normally pass you by.
When I am sick, instead of getting stuck into the spiral of fear (e.g. “what if I don’t get better?”) - especially bad for a natural hypochondriac like me - or focusing on how bad it is that I am experiencing a state that is different from the one I would like to be experiencing, I am able to practice radical acceptance of what is right now. Of course, sometimes this is hard and I just distract myself with Netflix - we are all but human.
Nobody is perfect, and I might often forget to apply these lessons into my life, but I would definitely say that this type of mindful awareness has enriched my life ever since I first picked up that book 10 years ago, and is one of the ingredients for why I am generally a pretty happy, resilient being.
Of course, there are many other ingredients, too, and I would be lying to you if I told you that they are all things that one can “teach”. I have been privileged to have been born and raised in a stable family, in a safe and beautiful environment, and some of our baseline moods may well be genetic. But at the same time, I have and continue to put in a lot of work, because otherwise I tend to slide into a very anxious, neurotic, and self-doubting place.
My upcoming course, Unlocking Resilience, is my attempt at condensing a lot of the things I’ve learnt and practiced over the years into one course. It’s starting in August and you can read more about it here!
The challenges we are being faced with right now, from COVID-19 to dismantling systemic racism, from climate collapse to the mental health crisis that seems to be unfolding, are going to require us to be emotionally resilient. And, I’m sorry to say, my dears, but when I look around me I don’t see a society full of emotionally mature, strong people. Let’s face it, most of our leaders are overgrown children, and we haven’t exactly been given guidance on how to face the types of difficulties that lie ahead.
That’s why resilience is my key word for this year (I also wrote 4 Ways to Boost Your Emotional Resilience over at Live Purposefully Now blog recently). But if you’re looking for more than emotional resilience, I really rate Think Resilience’s self-directed course (currently free during lockdown!) on systems thinking, community resilience, and how we need to come together as a society to face the converging crises of the 21st century.
Want to work with me?
I’m currently accepting new one-to-one clients who want to:
Find clarity on their soul’s calling
Build a business, organisation or project to benefit the world
Shift their mindset and step into their true power
Develop more confidence and self-love
Prepare emotionally and practically for the collapse of our current systems
